Last night I had a dream that my girlfriend and I were with Billy Oddie, the British comedian and naturalist (not naturist, the distinction is worth remembering), being given an extensive guided tour of his home.
Bill was quiet and humorless, which was unusual. I believe he was showing us the house as he was trying to sell it. Half way through the tour I realised that I was completely naked and quickly grabbed one of Bill’s old socks to attempt to cover myself. Bill snatched the sock back and angrily, noticing my nudity for the first time, demanded to know why I was walking around without clothes.
My girlfriend answered for me “his clothes are in the back of the car, but he’s not allowed them”. Somehow the venerable British television personality seemed to accept this as an appropriate answer and showed us the rest of his home.
When he led us into the kitchen he revealed that he has a sideline in running a breakfast cafe out of it and, naturally, the patio doors opened and two dozen hungry families piled in. Men glared at me and women shook their heads and covered their children’s eyes.
Then I woke up. Very confused.
What the hell was that supposed to be?