High ranking fox officials scramble to hastily launch new media campaign

Following the Conservatives’ recent call to review hunting legislation, top ministers within the fox coalition have been desperately working to sway public opinion. In this leaked media pack, acquired by The Daily Fail, it is clear to see that the United Fox Union of United Foxes has been sufficiently rattled by the threat of a new Conservative government. The media pack, which also features an inordinate number of pirated episodes of Game of Thrones and several dozen nude photos of Chris Pratt, hints at some aggressive tactics by the usually even-tempered UFUoUF.

Titled “LOL”

In this photo, simply titled “LOL” in the media pack, we can guess at the foxes intention to draw fire away from themselves and smear hedgehogs. Oddly, this pygmy hedgehog is not indigenous to the British Isles, can something be read into that? At The Daily Fail we never let an opportunity to smear others as racist pass us by so we say Yes, Yes let’s read something into that.

“We cuute yeh”

This next image, which appears to have been crudely photoshopped by a creature lacking opposable thumbs seems to hint at the UFoUF changing the public’s perception of foxes by replacing hounds in photos with fox kitts. We’re also not certain but the model appears to be actor Dominic West. Again, we are not entirely sure of the relevance of this but we will jump to the conclusion that foxes wrote critically acclaimed HBO show The Wire as a piece of pro-fox propaganda.

“Eville”

From the rather large photo above we can only guess that the foxes are comfortable with a fairly scattergun approach to smearing other wildlife.

“Yum #1”

This topless photo of actor Chris Pratt seems to be from the set of an upcoming Marvel film. We’re not sure why it was in the media pack.

“Hehe I strong”

Ok, so that previous photo sort of makes a little more sense now. Sort of.

“Downtun”

In this final file we see what is clearly a promotion shot for ITV’s Downtown Abbey with a fox lazily pasted in, not to scale. No effort has been made to disguise the snowy backdrop of the pasted image.

Note -At time of going to press the UFoUF has overtaken the Green Party in the polls, despite offering no manifesto, policies or human candidates.

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Brexit campaigners awake from cocaine/blood orgy to find dead hooker/that they’ve won

I mean, honestly
A great day for freedom

Shocked Brexit campaigners stumbled from their Surrey lair this morning following a routine evening of drugs and ‘bloodsports’ to find that they had succeeded in leaving the European union. Drenched in unidentified claret from many sources, Henry Wilkinson-Boothsby delightedly waved to the press and smiled a toothy grin as he declared “a great day for freedom and common sense”.

Wilkinson-Boothsby swayed a little as his stool, street sweeper’s son Paul Cooper, momentarily lost balance. Mr Wilkinson-Boothsby was almost embarrassed further as his ‘boy’ began to unravel the ‘special’ flag with the ‘traditional’ icon, screaming  “not yet, nein das ist nicht bereit”, then hurriedly throwing a large Union Jack across his shoulders. Regaining his composure Mr Wilkinson-Boothsby confirmed that campaigners were slithering their way up “t’north” to stand outside t’coal mines, ecstatically waving the flag and welcoming in eager hordes of British workers.

This bulldog is totally on board
Dogs love being used for political means

Meanwhile Brexit photographers hurriedly commandeered dozens of bulldog puppies and began dressing them in cute little blue and red jumpers as scores of double-barreled campaigners descended onto the streets of major cities wielding Dulux colour charts in preparation for the ‘next phase’.