Thank goodness this didn’t fall into the wrong hands! Good old great uncle Engr, an Anglo-American Togolophile to the end. I had best claim my inheritance. Do I want a house first on a 911? Ah, screw it, both!
I have, for the majority of my life, lived in a suburb of the small riverside town of Beccles, Suffolk.
My friends are all from other surrounding villages. Beccles has a population of about 10,000 people, if you count all the small villages and hamlets, and is practically indistinguishable from any other small English town.
Beccles has a couple claims to fame; Horatio Nelson’s parents either lived or got married here (I forget which), and that guy who used to be on Blue Peter but now does a bit of football presenting is from here too. That is pretty much it. There is nothing exceptional.
About five years ago, myself and a few friends got into a debate/argument about train routes. One friend, Chester, insisted that there was a train from Beccles to London. The rest of us disagreed. Chester of course meant that there is a way to reach London from Beccles by train. An hour or so long train journey will take you to Ipswich, the county town (kinda like a state capital for you Americans) of Suffolk, which is the end of this train line. You then change trains at Ipswich and take an hour or so long train into Kings Cross, London and the civilised world. Chester was technically right, but he argued for over an hour that there was a DIRECT, no changes train from Beccles to London and had refused to concede the point. Ever since then, we, or mostly I, have made regular jokes about Beccles being a national or even international transportation hub. This is what this post is about…
Beccles International Megatropolis Transportation Hub and Stadium
It’s easy to see why Beccles is the clear choice for businessmen, world leaders, movie stars and pig farmers. With direct train lines running to London, Washington DC, New York, Toronto, Anchorage, Vladivostok, Moscow, Tokyo, Sydney, Melbourne, Istanbul, Cairo, Berlin, Paris and Burgh St Peter, Beccles International Megatropolis Transportation Hub and Stadium caters for the globe’s commuting and leisure travel.
Our fleet of 486 bullet trains and 8 horse pulled wheelbarrows will guarantee to get you where you need, fast.
Just 78 minutes from Beccles to Tokyo, 36 minutes to Sydney or 436 minutes to Burgh St Peter, you know you’ll be chomping sushi, hunting marsupials or being sexually assaulted to the sound of banjo music before you know it.
If you’re tired, take advantage of our facilities; we have over four million spacious toilet cubicles and a 780,000 bed Hilton hotel.
Enjoy the night life at Beccles International Megatropolis Transportation Hub and Stadium Stadium, our 275,000 capacity all seater stadium is just one baffling ordeal of a tube journey away and features internationally renowned residencys from acts such as Will Young, Mika, Cher, Bon Jovi, Hillary Duff and stand up comedy from Miranda Hart.
Or enjoy the facilities around the stadium. Our unheated, outdoor 3 x olympic size pool and integrated shark tank offers all the fun of a day at the pool, aquarium and horror movie combined into one convenient experience.
Coming soon for 2013:
More Bon Jovi
I don’t know, like a thousand more trains
Free travel for Ecuadorians
More tiger sharks and possibly a great white if we can get hold of one
Door to door service; Bon Jovi will drive a fucking train right to your house
All images taken from Google. If you own an image and want me to take it down then please just get in contact.