Baltimore PD

Game of Thrones show runners David Benioff and D.B Weiss set to adapt highly rated HBO show The Wire into a new book. The paperback novel, Baltimore PD, will roughly follow the arc of the television show, with Benioff stating “me and the Weissmeister caught an episode here and there after the pub, it was on for so long and it was kinda hard to keep up but i think we got the gist. If we get bored or whatever then we’ll just make shit up. I’ve already got hold of a copy of The New England Thesaurus of Sexual Allusions”.

Weiss confirmed that Baltimore PD will take advantage of the lack of budgetary restraints necessitated by a novel and that the co writers will use the expansive format to really open up some of the character development, “we found that when we were sat about, surrounded by pizza boxes and empty tins of Stella, that some of the characters could really do with some alternative development. There was this guy, McNutty or something, he was just too intense for one character. So we’ve split him into 6. Three of these guys are triplets who all work for the homicide department, 2 of them are drunkard twins and the 6th one is a comic relief who pops up every other paragraph and mutters “the fuck’d i do?”.

Benioff conceded however that some fan favourites might struggle in the transition from stage to page “with all these extra McNutties wandering about there won’t be much room for Bunk” but added that “Kima will definitely feature at some point, even if it’s just for gratuitously detailed depictions of her sex life”. At time of print, neither co-author would confirm the rumour that Stringer Bell had been merged with Commissioner Burrell and that Jaime and Bronn would be running the Towers.

Star Wars

A conversation concerning Star Wars between myself and vlogger Will McD. Will is in bold. I thought that this might classify as interesting or amusing. I’ve been wrong before!

I was talking about the background and universe of Star Wars with my girlfriend last night. She said that she’s read a book on it. I said that’s fair enough but I don’t know how the majority of the public get into the films unless they read the book too

I’ve read a load of the books but they were written post films. The films are hardly complicated to follow.

Well, my problem is this: they will jump from planet to planet.
“Here we are in Jawoo, to meet the Plasbian Mukabugu” and you just go, ‘ok, right’.
The planet Jawoo is a bright glowing orange with huge tropical birds and 6 moons. All the inhabitants are humanoids with ostrich heads. My question is…WHY?!

Because it’s Scifi.
If you can follow the universe of GOT i’m sure you’re intelligent enough to be able to follow Star Wars.

There is no explanation for how this world’s unique climate developed, where these people came from, what their general politics and allegiances are.

Because they’re films

They simply seem to be this way because people will say
“that’s cool”

Most people don’t enjoy 20 hour filmic explanation of the evolution of hundreds of different species and habitats.

I know Game of Thrones the tv show doesn’t give much history either but you’ll at least get some aside like “ah, Lord Frey of the crossing, the late Lord Frey my father called him but his castle is the only way to cross the Trident”

It’s a tv show
They tend to go into more depth
Due to the fact they’re so much longer

I can’t understand how you can get into something if it’s just bright lights and pretty colours.
I would enjoy watching a 2 hour film about the history or the culture of Jawoo
My girlfriend said “nobody would watch that, it would be crap”
I would watch it. Then i would understand it.

I can’t understand how you can watch any film without a week long introduction into the lives of all the characters from birth
But that guy who served him in the shop!? Who is he!?!

When it’s set in our world then its no issue. When the world is alien to us then it is an issue.

I feel he’s just been wedged in there without any explanation!?
Who is he!?
Where do his loyalties lie!?

There is a unique culture that is totally “alien” to us and to understand it we need some background
If there isn’t a unique culture then what the hell purpose does it solve to visit this place?
It would make the alien planet just a pretty backdrop and utterly irrelevant
That isn’t good writing, that’s set dressing

I don’t see how you can’t understand it if you’re not given a complete rundown of their economic structure and religious beliefs

At least a hint at it Will. Even Aliens gives more back story. Star Wars’ popularity just baffles me

Have you seen episodes 1 and 2?
That’s why they were so heavily criticised. They spent half the films going on about trade agreements and levies within the different systems and they were fucking boring

Ok Will, you walk into a business meeting
The meeting is held in a large, triangular shaped room
The man you are meeting is wearing just a thong
His secretary comes in wearing full traditional inuit costume
there is a shark, out of water, rolling about in its death throes on the floor in the corner
Do you accept all this and continue with the meeting or do you ask for just a little background?!

Is the meeting a 2 hour long sci fi film?
Besides i wouldn’t need background as it’s on earth
not in space

No, it is an example of curiosity and reasoning. You need some sort of structure. Are you not even a little curious?!

It’s not an alien planet so i would understand it all perfectly

Ok, all of the above but it’s on an alien planet

Well then i’d go to the toilet during all the exposition and guess my way through
I don’t know, i don’t like it when films feel the need to lead me by the hand when it’s not really necessary.

You could probably just assume you’ve wandered onto a star wars set and be done with it!
Its not leading you by the hand, its crafting a story, not just throwing up some pretty lights to distract from the paper thin plot

Surely you can make assumptions from various cues given by the director?
it doesn’t have to be all meticulously explained on screen during a conversation between two characters?

Its not about explaining or me being too stupid to follow it
Its about moving location in the film simply to show an impressive visual.
That isn’t storytelling.

Ok
so there’s a spaceship dog fight
its a fast paced action sequence
they fly down to the surface of a planet and past some locals who look shocked
should the film pause and gravitate away from the action to watch one of the locals have a cup of tea with his aunt and describe his entire family history?

ok, what is the purpose of introducing us to this planet and these shocked locals?

Because it’s an action sequence
which tend to be made for spectacle

Are the gravity and physics of this planet different to outer space and therefore affecting the fight?
If not then it is simply set dressing
The audience has gotten bored with outer space so lets jazz it up with a jungle backdrop then perhaps change the wallpaper again to a desert.

Well there would be more obstacles and a different landscape to navigate during the fight yes
But action sequences are mostly set dressing surely?
They are visual, isn’t that the nature of them?

I know, i hate action sequences anyway

Right

But you used the example
My point was when they visit other planets
To talk to people

So your ideal film would just be back story?
Lets not show these massive battles but listen to people talk about them in the past tense?

Yeah i would like that

Hmm then don’t watch films i suppose
Read

To be fair, i don’t like that many films
Top Gun is one of the few action films i like

Well cinema is a visual medium predominantly

I like rich story
Action takes away from that

You don’t care about the action if you don’t care about the characters and their development i agree
but a film has 2 hours to develop a story
so it tends to concentrate on the characters in the main frame. otherwise they don’t get any development and no one cares about your main guys
so you could expand on the whole universe at the expense of damaging your main characters
you hint at things
hint at civilisations as you don’t have time to expand on the whole thing

I agree with you but i don’t think Star Wars does develop anything when they planet hop
i don’t think Star Wars films hint at the civilisations or develop the main characters
maybe because Anakin is a shallow creep
and the old films are typical 80’s action films where “explosion” is a good substitute for story
and i spose you enjoy them for what they are, like Terminator. Then again, Terminator developed a back story

I disagree with your point on the older films
But the newer ones weren’t amazing

To be fair i’ve only seen the old ones once or twice

They do have decent character arcs
thing is they’re so famous and old

Ok, for my final point: Imagine if you were watching Game of Thrones
and in king’s landing Cersei says “i’m going to visit Jon Snow”
in the next scene she appears at the Wall and talks to Jon Snow
Nobody mentions the cold, the massive wall or the dire wolf
they talk about the matter at hand and then go their separate ways
that is what star wars is like to me

Well it’s a film not a 45 hours series

Or they go to see Daenerys
“Is that a dragon? What is the dragon about?”
Shuttup Will! Watch the movie. They don’t have time to explain story to you. Now watch this 6 minute space bike race which will inevitably end in either an unlikely win for the hero or some major trick that has been hinted at several times

I couldn’t possibly watch the space bike race without first viewing a detailed schematic of the workings of said bike and watching a 24 hour biopic on the guy who last cleaned it at the space bike wash!

Trip Advisor review

The Singing Fox, Barlesham

My lady wife and I visited this establishment on our recent trip to the coast. The waiter’s hair was far too long, despite a sign saying “guide dogs welcome” they refused to let Willas the Woldfhound eat at the table, the tap in the gents was too hot, the doors were too heavy, the waitresses hair was too short, we saw neither hide nor hair of a fox, let alone a singing one and when the landlord’s rottweiler played harp it felt as though his heart wasn’t in it. AVOID!

Zombie Rap

Those of you with better attention spans and memories than myself will know that I often collaborate with my buddy Will McD. Here is his brand new comedy video.

Usually my emotionless, detached and clumsy acting necessitates that I am first choice for such roles as “man in background”, “guy reading book” and “tree no4”. However, this time, my gangly form was well suited to being a zombie. I may have found my true path in life!

Anyway, I hope you enjoy and “like” / “share” / “subscribe” / get involved in petty feud with several other viewers over the smallest details.

Murky Water: A beginner’s experiences with Adwords

Pretty interesting reading for anyone looking into paid links and self promo.

Will McDaniel

Image

YouTube is an overwhelming sea of “durge” with nuggets of gold floating on the top and some pretty good gems hidden below the surface suspended like silty sedimenty stuff. The problem is you can’t see the awesome suspended gems as they are hidden from view by the turgid lumpy bits floating on the surface. The durge can be overwhelming. Everyone loves a good excrement metaphor.

My point is that I struggle to gain exposure and views on YouTube. There is an awful lot of content for prospective viewers to sift through to even find one of my videos. Now i’m not trying to claim that my videos fall in the hidden gems category at all. I just find that from personal experience when searching for any content that might have taken time to write, edit and film that for every one of these I find I first have to wade…

View original post 937 more words

September Update

Wow, so this year is cracking on by. I’ve been kind of quiet on here with regards to poetry. It’s strange because I don’t feel like my productivity has slumped in any way but writing one new poem in 7 weeks is kinda slack. Especially when I was churning out three or four a month last year.

Despite the facts not lying, I still feel creatively satisfied.

In the last month or so I’ve released my first ever poetry reading.

This was for Rough Mouth, which using the wholly arbitrary and inaccurate “most hits”, I adjudged to be one of my more popular poems.
It was shot in one take. It makes me cringe to watch my big stupid lips and weirdly aggressive looking eyes but I think that, for a first try, it’s actually not hideous. I will look to be doing more of these over the coming months and then perhaps try a bit of spoken word or visit some local groups.

I also acted in my friend’s short comedy film.

Will is a great comedy writer and puts a huge amount of work into directing and editing his pieces. Working with him is awesome, as long as we stay on topic and keep clear of games consoles.

Finally, on the subject of poetry. I may be ponderously slow at the moment but I genuinely believe that the half dozen or so poems I have lined up for Hell Yeah; Part Three, particularly Thrones and Sent, I Meant, are my best developed and most involved verse so far.

Hell Yeah; Part Three
http://bit.ly/1uzYNPr

Hope you’re all good guys!

Stupid Kitty

On my drive into work this morning I witnessed a peculiar scene. Sat on a pavement there were two cats, one black tom, one ginger. They were sat perhaps a few inches apart, facing each other, with a relaxed and comfortable posture. Not squaring up to each other. As I watched, the ginger tom raised one paw with his claws retracted and bopped the black tom round the face, directly below the eye. The black tom didn’t even flinch, he just flickered his eyes at his companion and remained motionless.

Cats are bloody weird. They must have secret lives.

Take this photo for example.

Cat Mafia
Cat Mafia

I was walking back to my car in the dark and was just saying goodbye to my friend when a cat slunk slowly past, between us and went and sat on the garden wall behind. About 30 seconds later a second cat followed suite, then a third joined them on the wall. As I took this photo, a fourth feline was skulking along the wall to join them. There was clearly some orchestrated plan behind this, some organised meeting of grey cats on this wall, at this time of night. Though I wouldn’t even try to guess what it is they were doing. A mafia crime family meeting, the Duchia cats awaiting the Corvioli’s for a major sitdown concerning the catnip trade in the region?

Three Guys On A Sofa

Finally, for your viewing pleasure, a series of short comedy sketches featuring myself and my best friends.
Filmed, edited, written, produced and adapted for squirrels by Will McD (please like his channel or he will find me and use that crossbow, it wasn’t a gag!)

Please like and share if you are entertained even slightly, Will is as passionate about films as I am about poetry.

Cheers

Robin Williams

I very rarely comment on dead celebrities but today we lost the guy who made Dead Poets Society and Good Will Hunting two of the most moving pieces of cinema I’ve ever seen. A lot of you will remember him as one of his manic comedy characters. I guess that’s why he was so important in my eyes, because he wasn’t just a hilarious goon, he wasn’t just a super serious academy actor; he was a lot of things to a lot of people. He was brilliant.