Shocked Brexit campaigners stumbled from their Surrey lair this morning following a routine evening of drugs and ‘bloodsports’ to find that they had succeeded in leaving the European union. Drenched in unidentified claret from many sources, Henry Wilkinson-Boothsby delightedly waved to the press and smiled a toothy grin as he declared “a great day for freedom and common sense”.
Wilkinson-Boothsby swayed a little as his stool, street sweeper’s son Paul Cooper, momentarily lost balance. Mr Wilkinson-Boothsby was almost embarrassed further as his ‘boy’ began to unravel the ‘special’ flag with the ‘traditional’ icon, screaming “not yet, nein das ist nicht bereit”, then hurriedly throwing a large Union Jack across his shoulders. Regaining his composure Mr Wilkinson-Boothsby confirmed that campaigners were slithering their way up “t’north” to stand outside t’coal mines, ecstatically waving the flag and welcoming in eager hordes of British workers.
Meanwhile Brexit photographers hurriedly commandeered dozens of bulldog puppies and began dressing them in cute little blue and red jumpers as scores of double-barreled campaigners descended onto the streets of major cities wielding Dulux colour charts in preparation for the ‘next phase’.