Why I’ll Never Be Famous

Recently on Facebook I stumbled upon a heated discussion between several of my friends and a few strangers. The subject was a girl who I’d not heard of and the comments were split right down the middle, voraciously defending or caustically attacking the subject, who was not involved at all herself. Out of curiosity, and the fact that it was late and I couldn’t sleep, I browsed to find out more about the girl. A petite teen, covered in tattoos stared vacantly out of a photo with over 5,000 “likes”. My curiosity was piqued, what was it that she did that drew such attention? I chose to join her 18,000 “followers” to see her status updates. With posts as insightful as “at the bus stop”, “so drunk” and “just had bacon”, the most interesting thing she wrote in the month that I followed her was “in Mcdonalds” (6,000 likes). In that month her followers grew from 18,000 to 82,000.
Seemingly, if you’re pleasing on the eye, you don’t have to be much else. Smart, interesting, funny, caring, talented, all are superseded by being aesthetically appealing.


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This is me. I’m 6ft 4in, I have a five o’clock shadow 45 mins after I’ve shaved and have done since I was 16. I’m not skinny, though not particularly fat, I’m not muscular, though not particularly twiggy. No matter how sharp my observations, keen my humour, beautiful my wordplay, the sad fact of the world is that I will never have 82,000 followers.

36 thoughts on “Why I’ll Never Be Famous

      1. On your face? I think you want to stick with ferocious animals, so a tiger would definitely work. Or you could do the lone wolf thing. Although I believe a lone wolf has to go on your shoulder …

      2. How about a badger on my neck? Or a fox on my cheek? Would have to avoid the upper classes though, I can still hear the bugles and the dogs barking after last time

      1. Having been a nurse for a number of years i have never met an old man who said ‘i am glad i did …’ What was the post actually about? When was it posted? is what i said relevant to the post?

      2. Oh that’s it! I went back a read the post again about a young girl who thought she was only worth something if she had lots of tattoos. My daughter has tattoos, i think they are a work of art and in themselves beautiful but i would have preferred them to be on paper than on her. There are a number of artists working out there that will give you a beautiful semi-permanent tattoo and once it’s gone you can have something else. My niece died 4 yrs ago in a car accident she will be forever 21, but my sister had her daughter’s name tattooed on her wrist she now regrets it.

  1. I think the more ordinary looking you are, the more you won’t attract attention, not that I really give a dang. I go by what I learned from Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, what is essential is invisible to the eye.

  2. “sitting at the cafe table with a latte” … OK? How many ‘likes’ will that get me? Seriously, I’d be happier with more thoughtful responses. McDonald’s girl might be too busy to even reply: lol 🙂

  3. I’m not on Facebook (or Twitter) so I have no idea what really goes on there. This makes me sad, though, that society has come to this. Oh, by the way, I won’t be famous either…and I’m totally okay with that 🙂

  4. I’m sick of all the I’M BORED statuses on FB, I’m oh so tempted to write – If your bored then your boring.

  5. I want you to be famous. Just to prove yourself wrong, in the best possible way, I want the Universe to play the kindest of tricks on you – and get that invitation to that chat show 🙂

  6. I completely and wholeheartedly agree with this post. It’s extremely stressful to see an attractive woman(normally) gain the attention and following that someone with a real opinion or valid talent should have. I love tattoo’s, but I’m pretty sure I need more than just a tattoo to rack up that kind of mindless following. Best of luck and thanks for following, I look forward to following your posts as well.

  7. I thought that was a great story.
    Interesting writing. If all she can write is ‘in macdonalds’ you wouldn’t want those 82k following you. Your followers will come.

  8. you don’t have to be famous to have a good sense of humor, the girl sounds like a spectacle with 82,000 spectators of which both of us are now that i can’t get the idea out of my head…don’t let the lack of followers slow you down, picasso had to die to make a buck he would never even see, thank you so much for following writings from a dandelion 🙂

  9. Thanks for this post. It helped me understand a little better the context in which I am trying to get attention for heartfelt poetry. The situation you describe in this post strikes me as sad and frightening alike! Wishing you all good things in your writing life.

  10. Be very glad that you are not as empty headed as the average person who follows vacuous individuals as the one on face book. 🙂

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